Each years it’s the same thing, when we come around the 25th of February, I’m either gloomy or cheerful.
I will be gloomy if I look at the calendar realizing this is another years without you, I will be cheerful to forget the day we are; either way I’m not my usual self.
I’m normally like this only around that date, the rest of the years I’m “fine” even if I tend to avoid any kind of good conversation related to a father figure, I envy those who have a good relationship with their father, those who can pass time with them and I cursed those who have a great father but just keep complaining about them.
I can’t do that, I can’t complain cause he is worrying too much about me, I can’t call him just to know how he is doing or to say that I’m coming over to see him… I can’t and I will never be able to do it. I can’t even be in bad terms with him, I can’t say that I hate him for leaving me behind. I can’t, I can’t cause I know I was his little daughter, is only daughter.
I don’t miss more my father on Father’s day, simply ca
use I miss him every day of my life wondering how would have me my life with him, how would it be if he was still there by my side. But this years it’s different, this years knowing there is a lot of thing I can’t share with him hit me harder, maybe it’s because next year it will be his 30th death anniversary.
30th years and I still remember the day when we received the call, I was 7yrs and I clearly remember it. It’s one of the few thing I remember from that time.
I don’t tend to talk about it a lot, I don’t have any problems telling people, I just to stay on the topic.
But today it’s different, I feel in this Father’s day that I miss him more than usual, I really wish being able to wish him face to face “Happy Father’s Day”